Dreams of being a somebody? You could attempt to improve upon your personality, buff out the flaws, sculpt interesting nuances and facets that provide good conversation topics at dinner parties attended by dignitaries of nations that the name of which mere human tongues cannot pronounce. Failing this, you could ask your (idiotically ignorant) father to buy you the new iBeat Blaxx MP3 Player so you can offend racial minorities everywhere and truly break the metaphorical ice - with a metaphorical glacier of a response.
In a different MP3 player related tidbit, the designers over at Apple have chosen to trade in their almost unbroken streak of beauty and elegance over the last decade with a monstrosity. However they try to market this, there will emerge a wave of competitors who do the design better than Apple themselves. This is surely a tragedy of biblical proportions; what will happen to Steve Jobs when he runs out of money for black jumpers? Will he, perish the thought, wear something else?
In a conversation I had not quite long enough ago to have left my memory, I happened upon a discovery: people must constantly outdo one another. It is an odd practice, seeing as all they do is attempt to win worthless victories over petty events. However, in the spirit of participation, I shall add my two base units of monetary coinage:
I once physically massacred my opponents (or as I like to refer to them, prey) to a number of 40 whilst playing that most delightful driving simulator Burnout 3. I cannot wait to get my hands on an actual vehicle so that I can wreak havoc in not-quite-copyright-infringing locales where the level of policing is nil. In fact, as with all gamers, I take the events in games as truth, gospel and law. I must catch up on my needless genocide, for since Jack Thompson says I do - I must, no?
Some Italians have managed to create a new world record for 5GHz WiFi distance. With the recent arrest of a man for stealing domestic WiFi and the "First Web War" that occurred to Estonia, the world requires an Interpol of the Interweb; an international force to combat the theft of WiFi and adolescent script kiddies everywhere! We shall begin by implanting into the brains of all newborns a small explosive-cum-tracking device, the use of which shall be decided only by any one of the corrupt officials running our totalitarian police-state. Let us begin to police the impossible!
And finally, Sony are going to turn PS3s into HD-enabled DVRs - in Europe only. This is only going to be a good thing, vengance for all Europeans against the almost fully HD enabled Americans. It is one more step towards a total war against Europe and America, with only Africa and Australasia surviving the ensuing conflict. Hail the United Territories of the African Union!
Sraen out, with a bang.
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